10 THINGS I SAY TO MY 3 MONTH OLD

Desmond is 3 months old now and the walls are starting to cave in on me. The color outside is a constant grey and my pants are always soaked at the bottom from all the rain and lack of enthusiam to roll them up at the cuffs. I've adapted to the silly bun hairdo and this one sweater that I haven't washed in 2 weeks and smells like breastmilk. That being said, I love my mom job. We have a pretty solid routine now and I'm SO THANKFUL that Desmond now "sleeps through the night".

The other day I found myself having yet another one sided conversation from dusk til dawn. Here are the most common things I find myself monologing:

1. "Hi baby! Are you a happy boy today?! Who's mommy's happy boy?!" I say this with as much enthusiam as possible in hopes that I get a huge smile as a reaction and then the rest of the day Desmond smiles to everything I say.

2. "Whatcha doin?!" This is the response I give to anything and everything.

3."What's the matter babe???" Because there's always a meltdown and at some point I'm praying that Desmond will just say "mom I'm hungry duh" and then I'll make a bottle and everyone lives happily ever after.

4. "Take a nappy babe" because that's the only thing that makes sense when shushing and binky shoving doesn't work.

5. "Are you going to laugh for mama?!" Because he only laughs for daddy and I'm constantly pounding this phrase into his head so I can feel reassured that he isn't bored with my beautiful sticky face yet.

6. "It's in the rocketship". Our bottle warmer looks like a rocketship and I'm always reassuring that his bottle is on the way... because no matter how well I time it, he will always be starving to death while we wait the 3 minutes for a bottle.

7. "Sssshhhhh" my go to response to every unpleasant face or noise.

8. "Wooooooooowww" because I'm still always surprised that this tiny human can burp, fart, sneeze, squeal, cry, hiccup etc louder than a teradachtyl with allergies.

9. "Look at alllll those toe jams!!" I'm shocked at how many build up within a 24 hour period.

10. "Damnit" because who doesn't say this?

ALL SMILES

That time when your baby smiles back at you is unforgettable. At around 8 weeks your babe will be able to smile at you with purpose, usually following a big smile from you. Desmond started doing this at 6 weeks and it only gets cuter. He follows a smile with a wide open gum bearing "silent laugh" - pretty much what I think would be a laugh. This is a good time to start making different faces and watching the amusement and delightful feedback from your little one.

There are different stages of alertness that your baby shows. The quiet alert state is when your baby is awake and you guessed it - quiet! He or she may stare at you with wide eyes and be able to hold eye contact. This is a great time to make faces. Try sticking your tongue out for 10 seconds at a time. Watch as your baby shifts his/her glance down towards your mouth and tries to work his/her tongue! Don't worry if it doesn't happen right away, just try 10 second bursts of some tongue action and sooner or later your baby will mimick you. Also try making your mouth into an "O" shape or making kissy faces. These are also fascinating expressions for babies! As they grow older, your facial expressions will get lots of smiles in response and even squeals of delight. Take advantage of all of the quiet alert times and watch your baby hit the cutest milestones! :)

XO

EVERYTHING SMELLS LIKE MILK

Ugh. Yes. Milk everywhere. At first it's kind of adorable, but now I'm over it. My life is now about small loads of laundry everyday, lysol wipes, dish soap, bottle brushes, cotton nursing pads, and air fresheners. Just when I get the milk residue off my shirts, my body, bottles, furniture etc.. it starts all over again. I love being able to go the extra mile with exclusively pumping and bottle feeding but I'm obsessed with anything other than breast milk right now.

I suggest sterilizing parts once a week, smaller loads of laundry, unscented dish soap, reuseable nursing pads, and lots of lysol wipes and/or loads of paper towels and some spic n span.

I love motherhood but I don't feel it's necessary to smell like motherhood. I already look the part... Yoga pants, silly bun, minimal makeup, slip on shoes, and baby vomit on my shirts and in my hair; no need for the added stench.

On a side note: I've got the scattered brain thing down! Picture me getting ready to pump as I'm frantically searching for my flanges right... 10 mins later I noticed they are already attached to my boobs in my hands free pump bra. Go me!

MOMMY'S DAY

Ladies. Do yourselves a favor and take one day a month (if possible) to have a day to yourself. Give your hubby the bottles and diapers and run screaming to the nearest salon, nail shop, starbucks, mall, gym... basically anywhere where it's a complete pain in the ass to take a kid. Stay at these places as long as possible and bask in all the glory that carrying one purse has to offer. Scroll through facebook for an hour, plug into some music, call your girlfriends, or just sit in absolute silence and speak to nobody. Do everything opposite of what you do on a daily basis taking care of your little one. This is so important for your sanity. If you're broke - which you probably are - take a few hours and go for a walk, a drive, window shop, hang out with some friends, grab a coffee or a lunch date with someone and just have some normal adult conversions. I love my son, but I'm a better mom, girlfriend, daughter, and human being when I've had some R&R. My fiance and I plan to take one day a month each where we spend an entire day out of the house. Long story short: take a load off. However and whenever you can.

HOW TO SLEEP

You can't... Yes I have googled "how to sleep when you have a newborn" and no matter how many articles and forums I've read, I've discovered that you just can't expect to sleep. It's like you are setting yourself up for failure if you think you can get your newborn to do anything that resembles a schedule, let alone a sleep schedule. Some babies come out of the womb all sleepy and peaceful and perfect, while others make their grand entrance that can be heard from China... and as their lungs develop, can be heard from outer space. Every baby is different, so don't expect yours to be like mine or anybody elses.

Now as Desmond gets older, I've been starting to introduce a sleepy routine where I will sit in the rocking chair and sing to him before bedtime. He's too young to undersrand, but the sooner I start, the easier it will be for me to stick to it when it really matters down the road. Others have suggested making a warm bath, reading a story, and dimming the lights part of the bedtime routine as well. I'm starting off with something realistic and manageable for my A.D.D. and tendency to procrastinate. Whatever floats your boat.

Desmond is 5 weeks old now, and is starting to spend more of the day awake. Mostly crying and screaming, but sometimes I get an hour of cute adorable Desmond where he stares at me in awe and tells me with his big beautiful eyes that he loves me dearly. His naps are totally random, but I can tell they are starting to become more predictable. In order to keep my sanity, I try and nap at least once during the day when he naps. All I've heard from other moms is "sleep when your baby sleeps" but honestly, that's totally unrealistic for me. There are chores that I just can't let sit because I'm that obsessive. Yeah, I can go a day with not doing dishes, but I'm going to be just as tired tomorrow and as far as I know, this child needs my attention for the rest of my life so excuse me while I tend to my household duties so I don't have a shitpile of stuff to do all at once. But that's just me. Sleep whenever you want - or can.

I heard sleep gets better around 12 weeks... fingers crossed!

THINGS I WISH I HAD AT HOME BEFORE GOING INTO LABOR

Lots of things I wish I knew and/or had at home before I went into labor...

- Muslin blankets. These are by far the best for swaddling. All of Desmond's receiving blankets and regular blankets are too chunky and thick and he broke out of all of them except the muslin blankets.

- More kimono style snap shirts. These are great for a couple reasons. 1. They don't rub against the umbilical cord. 2. Easy diaper access. 3. A lot of Desmond's newborn clothes and onesies were too big for him the first 2 weeks or so.

- At least 2 bottles of lanolin. I've gone through one in 3 weeks.

- Witch hazel pads/prep H wipes. You can ask your nurse at the hospital to stock you up before you go home. I sent my hubby out for more after a week and a half.

- Different sizes of pads. At first I was using the huge enormous maxi pads with wings, then before I could finish that pack I went to the regular sized pads, and before I finished that pack I went down to panty liners.

- Super large nursing bras. My boobs got HUGE, and still get huge right before pumping. I like the cotton ones from Target. You might want to invest in some nursing tanks to wear around the house too. Or just some easy access shirts and tanks. Taking your shirt off every 3 hours gets old, quick.

- Food. Hella food. I think we went to the store like 3 times the first 2 weeks we were home.

- More vaseline or petroleum jelly for Desmond's circumcision. We went through 2 tubes in less than a week!

- Several pairs of mittens. We had mittens on Desmond for a couple weeks before we could find the courage to clip his nails. His fingers got so sweaty in the mittens and his hands started to stink so I suggest lots of mittens to change out daily or sometimes twice a day if he ends up chewing his hands a lot.

- COFFEE for daddy since I'm still refraining from caffeine.

- Something for white noise. They have those machines for the nursery, but we just downloaded an app on our tablet and place that near his bassinet at night. "Shushing" gets tiring if you have to do it for 20 mins straight to get your babe to fall asleep. Careful not to have it too loud, too close, for too long. Studies have shown risks of hearing damage from loud white noise machines used for long periods of time. Studies suggest nothing louder than a quiet shower if your baby is fairly calm; only bring out the vacuum or the hair dryer for the first couple minutes to calm him/her down during a screamfest.

- This might be slightly over-the-top, but I've suggest stocking up on some stain remover. Between spit up, pee, and breast milk... my spot cleaner is a life saver!

- Ibuprofen. My doc sent me home with a prescription, but it was nice to have some laying around for when my prescription ran out. Swollen boobs. Swollen vagina. Enough said.

- Dr. Brown's bottles. I never thought I wouldn't be able to breastfeed (at least right off the bat), so having a back up plan (expressing breast milk and/or formula) is a good idea. These are the best for reducing colic, and look into the preemie nipples for the slowest flow for the first few weeks.

- You could never have enough TP.

**Did you have the same experiences?**

BREASTFEEDING 911

This is my first post! I'm 4 weeks postpartum and loving every minute of my beautiful baby boy. That said, WTF is the deal with breastfeeding? Why did NOBODY tell me how hard it was going to be? And why is the world so judgmental when it comes to breastfeeding??

My labor and delivery was "fast" (only about 8ish hours in active labor) but still felt like a lifetime. My son was born without any medical interventions or complications. One could say it was a smooth labor. Once Desmond was born, I fell in love. He was placed on my chest immediately, and my fiance and I sat exchanging love and kisses with him for over an hour. When it came time to feed, the nurse helped him latch on... Um. OUCH. But she said pain was normal, so I went with it. So right off the bat, breastfeeding was not what I had imagined it would be.

I spent 2 days in the hospital and fed Desmond every 3 hours as planned, but every single time he nursed I was in so much pain! Like pinching, biting, stinging pain. I had several different nurses assist with the latch all throughout my stay and they all gave me the green light that everything was fine. So I chalked it up to "letting my nipples toughen up".

Once we got home, the breastfeeding experience only got worse. Desmond would scream anytime I'd put him in a nursing position. I was able to get him to root and latch after a couple tries but the pain was still there and not getting any better. In fact, every single feeding was so painful I was in tears most of the time. I noticed after 2 days that my nipples were cracked and bleeding and extremely sore. After many bouts of crying and feeling completely incompetent we decided to supplement with formula for a day and meet with an LC immediately. When the first LC came to our house, Desmond refused to latch on at all. He was either very sleepy or very pissed off. After 2 hours, we ended up pumping what little milk I had and finger/tube feeding him. We did this for 2 days straight and it was exhausting.

The second LC came out and actually diagnosed Desmond with tongue-tie and a tense jaw. We got his frenulum clipped the next day and were told that he could start nursing right away. My first attempt at nursing after the procedure was worse than before. He clamped down so hard on my nipple that I screamed in pain and cried from exhaustion. We decided to take a 3 week break from breastfeeding and attempt again when Desmond was 1 month old. I've been exclusively pumping and bottle feeding for 3 weeks now.

So my intro to parenting ended up being nights of crying and frustration, and this hollowing feeling of failure. Speaking of failure, no woman should ever feel this way if she can't nurse her baby! I'm so pissed that the world is so opinionated if you don't breastfeed when there are so many challenges that are unique to every woman. Every woman and baby has a different body, and breastfeeding is NOT a universal practice. It takes some getting used to (which is like the only advice I ever read before Desmond was here BTW), but it is not always the right choice. If I'm in agony, upset, and stressed out, it's probably not best for me to continue to nurse my baby. I'd rather be a happy mommy and bottle feed vs. be a crazy freak and breastfeed.

To each their own and remember ladies, you're the mommy, you know what's right for you and your baby.

Here are some links where you'll find some resources for alternative feeding methods. And if you haven't yet heard of kellymom.com check it out. I spend like 37459 hours a day on this website! Good luck mamas!

Share your thoughts and experiences! XOXO